woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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