I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
