I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
