DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
