trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
