i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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