we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
