My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
