Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
