I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
