handjob tips. give me some.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What a dumb baby whore.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
