is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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