in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
