Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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