I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
