the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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