I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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