You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
