I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
