i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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