i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
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