mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize