We won't sleep together?
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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