I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I deserve this hangover.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
