i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
