And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
two words: eviction party
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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