I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
