But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
