Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
