K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize