Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
