Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
