peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize