After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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