and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
