I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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