You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
