Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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