so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
