I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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