his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
