flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
