sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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