Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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