Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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