how can u be prego again
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
