I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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