hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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