Your face is a jimmy john
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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