Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
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