I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
