im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
