Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
