omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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