i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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