Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
