moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
