i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
