Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
