You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
