hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
