I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
