didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
