12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
