we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
