also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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