Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
