The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
