what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
