Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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