I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
