So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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