just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
