btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize