You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
