I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
