If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
In America we eat man semen.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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