my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
