Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
