So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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