am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
