We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
