You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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